That might be a stretch because I feel like calling myself a "woman" is still too far out for me right now, but I'm making progress.
Anyways, life has been kind of wonderful for me these past many months, and I really feel like I'm working my way up in life.
I have found a person to share my life with. I have found that person that understands me on a level so deep I didn't even know it existed until we met. I have found that person who makes every insecurity of mine melt away in his arms. I have found the person who is going to mean the most to me. And his name is Jacob.
We started dating roughly a year ago (give a month) and it's crazy how much I wake up everyday feeling in love with him. There has yet to be any dull or lack of spark between our connection and how we feel about each other, which is the most wonderful feeling. This is the longest I've ever been with somebody and I plan to keep it going as long as I can. Jacob is the most caring, supportive, encouraging, loving, kind, person I know. He's also brilliant, but dorky and funny and he can say the littlest thing to make me beam. I feel out of every relationship I've had before him, that he is the one that our love is the strongest love I've ever felt before. He is the one who has not only added so much to my life by being my boyfriend and friend, but he has added to my growth as a person. He has taught me so many things, and he continues to assist me in any way I may need. He supports me more than anything and never puts me on a pedestal. I think you get the jist here, Jacob's the shit and I'm probs gonna marry him.
I have also started moving forward with my possible career. I'm 4 months from graduating from Wright State University with my B.A. in Psychology and minor in Sexuality Studies. I have been interning at the Planned Parenthood location in Dayton since January and I have loved every moment of it. Very recently I have stumbled upon a golden opportunity of possibly standing my career at Planned Parenthood. There is an opening for a position of Health Educator/Community Outreach at a Planned Parenthood location in Birmingham, Alabama. Although for the past few months I have been planning to move to Knoxville with Jacob, this opportunity completely changes my course of thinking. I have a friend in Alabama who said I would love it there and has friends I could possibly live with if Jacob can't come with me. The salary on this position is $45,000 which is EXTREMELY good to get after getting out of college. Basically, I'm going to do everything I can to get this job. I have already talked to my supervisor about writing me a letter of recommendation and she agreed to look over/edit my resume and cover letter and basically just help me apply for the position. I plan to do it next week sometime, hopefully that won't be too late. I really don't know what's going to happen, but I'm really striving for this. Also, I totally understand that there's a huge chance I won't get it since I'm from OH and not AL and it's kind of random and there's lots of competition but we'll see!
In an ever lesser time, within the next two weeks I'll be going to Wisconsin with Jacob for the Midwest Gaming Classic which holds a Tetris Tournament which I am going to be competing in. There is a possibility of winning $5,000 (At least it says on the website) so I'm trying to practice really hard cause holy shit do I need the money, Basically, there's a lot going on in my life right now and I'm really happy about all of it because it's things I am making happen. I am in control of my life and it feels amazing.
Not to go off on another course, but a lot of this growth has come from my parent's separation and my lack of relationship I've chosen to have with my mother. Her and I have had quite our issues and with the way she's been behaving since my Dad moved in with me and they actually started working on the divorce, I don't really want to have a relationship with her. She's not the kind of person I want or need to be around because she's not good for my mental health. I have to focus on myself and growing as an adult and I need to cut her off from manipulatively controlling parts of my life. If she saw that sentence she would probably cringe then scream because she'd never admit to it. But it's true, she had a significant emotional impact on me and I needed to sever myself from her. And I swear, it is the BEST thing I have done. Separating myself from my mom and my sister has made my life like a lot better. Which sounds terrible, but it's true. I don't like them, I don't like being around them, and I'm happiest with them in very very small doses. This is what's great about being an adult now, is that I don't have to be close with my family if I don't want to. There's nothing keeping me attached to my mom and sister. If I'm going to have a family I want it to have a healthy, supportive, and non-threatening environment, and until I work through the issues I have with my mom it's never going to be like that around her. She just may be the kind of person I can't be around, and I'm a better person when I'm not around her. That sounds so bad but I think it's true. She's pushed me so far away now, I'm able to truly see her and who she is as a person and not just my mom. And I don't like what I see. At least for now. My hope, is that this divorce is draining her emotionally so she's at a weakened state, and isn't at her best mom mode, because she has a lot of wonderful moments. I'm not saying this to excuse her behavior, because trust me, I'm not putting up with that kind of shit anymore. But maybe someday she'll get her shit together and we can enjoy each other's time together. I'd love that, I'd really really love that. But just not now.
April, when you read this later on just know one thing about this time in your life. You were happy. You were strong. You were loved. You were doing amazing. It's good to be proud of yourself.
P.S. You and Mallory just reconciled and you guys are friends again. It's better to have her in your life.
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