What am I doing up at 2:17 in the morning and on Bloggr writing a post? I don't know really. Oh I bet you expect me to write something about how miserable I am being single and how insecure I truly am right? Ha, that's a good joke. So what exactly do I mean by my title then if it's not going to be a rant about my insecurities. Well, read on.
I really don't know how many people are in the world exactly, I think its something in the trillions? Well any-who, because I'm only 18 years old and have no true idea of who I am and all that, what difference do I really make. My brain is buzzing around with all sorts of thoughts and I'm not going to lie, a lot of them are pretty negative. But I mean come on, for me to bitch about being stressed with school, parent's pressure getting to me, dating is a challenge is a pure joke. That's like 90% of the population. Oh but no, I'm suppose to be different, I've been through things! I've had my heart broken and been cheated on and I'm all guarded and blah blah blah. There really is nothing that special about my life. I am literally a typical 18 year old girl. I think the only thing that makes me truly different is that I realize it, which is probably the main reason I can't stand being around other 18 year olds. I don't think that the world revolves around me, that's a fucking joke. Yeah, I act like it sometimes, hell, most of the time, but I'm not oblivious to the real world. Still, I mean what am I also supposed to seem well rounded because I care about the rest of the world? Well you see, I don't sit there and feel bad 24 hours a day that kids are dying in Africa. Yeah that blows, it also sucks that animals are being abused and that kids are starving, but what the fuck can I do? Oh wait! I'm sure if I donate $10 a month to some organization it's going to make a HUGE difference right! I'm not an idiot...
Okay, maybe sometimes I'm completely naive about the rest of the world, but I'm smart enough to know my place. I'm SUPPOSED to be a self centered insecure 18 year old who has no idea what she wants to do with her life. But you see, this doesn't jive with me. I think because I hate everything about those things that make me 18, I hate other 18 year olds and strive to act so much older. The idea of not feeling unsure about life and not thinking about myself first sounds, fucking amazing. Now I'm working on the whole "not thinking about myself first" shit; I've been working on that for years. However, the whole unsure about life isn't really improving. I have no clue where I'm headed in life, what I want from life or who I want to be, and this stresses me out incredibly. It's probably the reason I want to move and live on my own, it's odd I WANT to feel miserable and alone when I'm actually on my own so I can say I've been there and I'm move experienced. I want to experience everything I can in life and live 0 regrets. However, again this makes me nothing special, because I bet if you ask any other 18 year old girl the same thing she'd give you the same story.
I have to learn to accept that fact that I am nothing special. One of my favorite quotes of all time is from my favorite movie of all time: Fight Club. And I quote from Tyler Durden: "You are not special. You are not a beautiful or unique snowflake. You're the same decaying organic matter as everything else."
Ain't that the mother fuckin truth. Read it. Learn it. Love it. Live it.
